noon pony giant sycamore

i have forgotten what the feeling of saying 'i love you' and feeling like i mean it feels like

sometimes i looked into
your eyes and did not blink and had a
serious facial expression and said it

i said it sarcastically sometimes too
but then i always realized that i felt that
way and would hug you or grab your hand with my hand

sometimes i said it after i
spent a long day talking to you while
we walked places

once i said it out of desperation and i don't think i actually felt it that one time that it happened

a few times i whispered it into your
ear and it made you act nice
to me and i was appreciative but
just said it to express it

but that all happened a long
time ago i feel
and i do not remember the
actual feeling of feeling that i meant it

i want to feel that again

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