pathological self-awareness manifesting as the belief that i am god
most days of the week i withdraw into a hole
and devour incredible amounts of banal information
thinking that i have the capacity for infinite understanding
this illusion disperses immediately after i see a real person
and realize that i am not living on the internet
or in the real world
or in my own head
or anywhere used to house my body for that matter
but that i am a hermit crab
with attention deficit disorder
and an infertility problem
my front lawn is the best lawn in the neighborhood
i did not contribute to its appearance at all
except for a little spit
and the occasional pool of alcoholic urine
i am surrounded by things that were made
or placed near me
or allowed to continue to be near me
by someone with a huge ego
where can i go
to get away from these things
that were constructed?
is there anywhere where i can stop
being human for a while?
‘brooo’
‘hey’
‘i am eating a turkey sandwich’
‘damn’
‘there is mayonnaise on it’
‘really?’
‘and some lettuce’
‘iceberg?’
‘romaine’
‘damn. can i have some?’
‘hmm’
i feel extremely alienated
i don’t know if i have always felt this way
i am pretty sure i have though
am i being too honest
does this make me an asshole
i am an outrageously out of control asshole aren’t i?
when will this stop
it seems possible that i will keep being an outrageously out of control asshole long after i am dead
i want to feel like a ‘nice’ person
but i don’t know what ‘nice’ is
‘niiiice’
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