i feel like an abnormally large and peaceful red-colored lion who woke up one day having been castrated, shaved, and had his canines and incisors pulled, who will never find out why this was done, and who will be killed by a very small piece of metal that he never had any concept of the possibility of the existence of
don't know
don't know if i have ever known
don't know if i will ever know
am pretty sure i won't ever know
don't feel like i should know
don't feel like i want to know
don't think anybody knows
seems like knowing would fuck me incomparably harder than not knowing
but i don't know
ignorance is still fucked
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